Media Maniac News Blog

Quick Hits

2006-08-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL..

14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST AND BE PROUD OF IT!!

21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

23. WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

29. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

30. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

31. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

Pearls of wisdom.

the maniac

slacker mom?

2006-08-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

Are you a slacker mom? Take this quiz:

http://www.areyouaslackermom.com/1/??&CCID=20064529203118020&QTR=ZZf2147483647Za20064529Zg0Zw0Zm0Zc203118020Zs3380ZZ&CLK=150060823165553762&&kw=humor_blog&INKLE_AB=1

Slacker, get to work.

the maniac

MORE QUOTABLES

2006-08-08T16:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you shouldhave remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter).

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased toread the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against awall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I havesince been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; andto have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get abad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops tobreathe. -- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. --Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness . but it does bring you a more pleasant form ofmisery. -- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires.. but it would be dangerous to offer me theposition. -- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. --W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its waythrough Congress -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts towear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to goanywhere. -- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

THEY SAID, I DIDN'T ...

2006-08-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

DEEP OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." --Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man onbase."--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What.... do tall people burn slower?"--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."--A. Whitney Brown

18) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."--Billy Crystal

19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"--Dave Barry

20) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased!

Hmmmmm .....

the maniac

IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU SAY IT

2006-08-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

Submitted by Sam I Am:

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians,Tennesseeans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATIONSUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED"

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIALINVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE".

Good luck with that!

The Maniac.

9/11 Conspiracy Theory film

2006-07-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

The 9/11 Internet film that has spurred controversy from sea to shining sea

Martial Law 9/11: The Rise of the Police State:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6495462761605341661&q=alex+jones

also on: http://www.infowars.com

Taking a break from the funny and extreme stuff, and focusing on what should be in the category of BIZARRE. Not bizarre - ha-ha, but bizarre shocking.

Alex Jones is an Austin, TX talk show host who wants us to believe the Republicans are evil and 9/11 was an orchestrated event. You've heard all of the theorists and pundits talkign about it, but no one takes it seriously. I am not sure what to believe, but I have to give credit to Alex Jones for making some pretty interesting points:

1. The way the buildings went downwould lend credence to explosives having been pre-planted;

2. The Bush family has deep - and relevant - ties to Nazi Germany, as does Karl Rove and other pro-Bush backers.

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a bad, bad man and should be stopped at all costs.

4. Michael Moore took it too easy on Bush in his film Fahrenheit 911

Alex's film is long - 2.5 hrs - but is pretty intriguing, and will spur you to ask questions. I was mostly impressed with the level of detail and research, as well as the notable sources he culled (Wall Steet Journal, Washingont Post, NY Times, etc) to support his claims.

Check out the entire video here:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6495462761605341661&q=alex+jones

TRUE FRIENDS

2006-07-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks to our man Sam for passing this along!

True Friendship

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, butnever actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused,.... I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.T his is my oath..... I pledge it to the end."Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend!".

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4. Remember.......A good friend will help you move.....a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.......let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.

THE SCOURGE OF BARRY MANILOW

2006-07-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

HE REALLY DOES WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD CRY

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - It could be magic for some, but the use of loud Barry Manilow music to drive away late-night revellers from a suburban Sydney park is getting on the nerves of nearby residents.

In a move reminiscent of U.S. efforts to drive former Panama strongman Manuel Noriega from the Vatican Embassy where he took refuge in 1989, the local council in Rockdale, in Sydney's southern suburbs, started a six-month trial of high-volume hits by Manilow and Doris Day to chase away car enthusiasts who were gathering on weekend nights at Cook Park Reserve.

"Barry's our secret weapon," Rockdale Deputy Mayor Bill Saravinovski told The Daily Telegraph newspaper, four weeks after the start of the effort. "It seems to be working."

But some people living near the park are less than enthralled. They say the barrage of Copacabana, Could It Be Magic and Que Sera Sera, blasting from 9 p.m. to midnight every Friday, Saturday and Sunday is driving them crazy.

"I don't know how I will cope," said Moya Dunn, describing how the songs have invaded her house. "I just can't sleep when it's on, and to think there's going to be another six months of this."

Officials have given in a little, agreeing to turn down the volume a bit after residents complained.
"The initial reaction was that they found it irritating," Saravinovski said. "I'm not disputing what the residents are saying. I can't swallow some of the tracks like Mandy.

"We have tried to reduce the sound and we are reviewing the songs. I don't mind Barry Manilow, but I'm more of an ABBA and Celine Dion fan."

In 1989, U.S. soldiers blasted hard rock music and news bulletins about Panama at the Vatican Embassy in Panama City in attempt to drive Gen. Noriega from refuge there. The Vatican complained, and U.S. troops stopped the noise. Noriega later surrendered.

WARNING! Beware of new Male Date rape drug

2006-07-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

BEWARE! NEW MALE DATE-RAPE DRUG OUT!

e-mailed to us by Mike >>>

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the mar ket called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up Golf Courses" in the phone book.

YES, BEWARE INDEED

- The Maniac

PAULA ABDUL IS CRAZY

2006-06-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

I used to give American Idol judge and former pop superstar Paula Abdul the benefit of the doubt. But now, I know she's the crazy one ...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/paulaabduljewels.html

The Maniac

WEIRD THOUGHTS

2006-06-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've been having weird thoughts again. No, not like killing folks or anything, just weird facts, mostly. These gems were e-mailed to me by Mark.

WEIRD QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are
consideredassassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
foryour thoughts"?

Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you wereburied
in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
agood idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
MissAmerica?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell youto
smile?

If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, areyou going
to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don'tpoint
to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams?

Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn'the
just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?Do the Alphabet
song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad atyou,
but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Hmmmmmm......

UNDER ATTACK

2006-06-20T04:57:00.000-07:00

OK, maybe it is just our e-mail box here at The MediaManiac.com, but does it seem as if the spam e-mails are getting more stupid by the day?

Male enhancement, stock quotes, mortgage busters, all that crappy stuff is getting under our skin.

Like this one, sent by SOCORRO (whatever that is) . This was received on June 20, 2006.

I have no such a problem!

Hey, friend, I see you are very upset!

I am really happy I got this nice thing on-line!

The head of your XXXXX is so sensitive…

It helps always!

Who writes these things?????

The Maniac

On Board with Joe Arpaio, a Great American

2006-06-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Back to the e-mail bag, where friends have been sending me all kinds of stuff. Most of it, not "postable" for reasons I'll leave alone. But this one was too good to throw away. After reading this, your jaw will drop and you will see why this guy has been reelected sheriff over and over and over in Maricopa, Arizona.

Thanks to Tim for sending this along. We do not know where it originally appeared.

- The Maniac

____________________________________

HALL OF GREAT AMERICANS:

ARIZONA SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO

Thanks to Tim for e-mailing this to us.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO , HE IS THE MARICOPA, ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED!.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WHY Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail":

- He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for
them.

- He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their
weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

- He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county
and city projects.

- Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for
discrimination.

- He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court
order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only
let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how
hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs. - He cut off coffee
since it has zero nutritional value.

- When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the
Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

- He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series on videotape that he pipes
into the jails.

- When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat,
he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a! lot of the
inmates were in his jails in the first place.

CRAZY SOCCER FANS? HARD TO BELIEVE!

2006-06-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

OK, I enjoy soccer like the next non-American. I enjoy the midfield play, the stout defense, the single-digit shots on goal. I got to hand it to these two fans, who traveled 4,000 miles to get an autograph.

These guys make my 10-minute ride to see Chris Pronger at the local mall a few years back look like kids stuff!

- The Maniac

Thanks to Ananova.com for the story

Annova.com

Fans cycle 4,000 miles for German Goalkeeper's autograph

Two World Cup fans from Uzbekistan cycled 4,000 miles across Europe to get an autograph from German goalie Oliver Kahn.

Akram Marufshonow and Musadshon Chornidow left Tashkent in March to meet their idol.
Kahn heard about their 4,000-mile journey through a German journalist who was covering their trip and agreed to meet the pair in Berlin.

When the three came face to face both Marufshonow and Chornidow burst into tears and hugged the German star while repeating in Russian: "Mr. Kahn you do not know what an honour this is for us."

The goalie gave them both an autograph and said: "I just can't believe this. It's amazing."

GREAT MAN-SLUTS OF HISTORY

2006-06-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

You call them man-sluts, we call them just lucky.

These gentlemen supposedly hold the world sex record for the largest number of sex partners in a lifetime. I am not on the list, just missing it by, say 33,000 women. I got a lot of work to do. ...

the Maniac

from http://www.sexualrecords.com/

Busiest Lovers - Male

Here’s a rundown of the leading contenders in this category:

Anonymous (b. c. 1900)—52,000 In his famous 10-year sex survey, Alfred Kinsey noted the case of a man whose frequency of coitus was 33.1 acts a week, over a period of 30 years—almost 52,000 in all. Other researchers have recorded examples of people who have engaged in sexual intercourse twice a day for 30 years.

Wilt Chamberlain (1936-2000)—20,000 In his autobiography, A View from Above, the legendary basketball star claimed to have intercourse with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Presumably a large percentage of that figure can be attributed to groupies, who are always an eager outlet for the super athletes libido.

King Ibn-Saud (1880-1953)—20,000 From the age of 11 until his death at 72, the Saudi Arabian monarch had sexual relations with three different women every night—except during battles. Using the same method of conjugal computation as for that of Brigitte Bardot, Ibn-Saud would have had a total of 20,000 different liaisons throughout his lifetime. When I first read this it brought to mind a famous Mel Brooks quote: "It’s good to be the King!"

John Curtis Holmes (1944-1988)—14,000 Having lost his virginity at age 12 to a 36-year-old friend of his mother, John early on began on a path of sexual indulgence that would ultimately cost him his life. Blessed with an inordinately large manhood—by his own account 10-inches long—John used his asset to launch his successful vocation as a porn actor.

At the height of Holmes' career, he was making $3000 a day from films and reportedly as much selling himself as a gigolo, in addition to the payback and graft he was getting by drug running. Through such bacchanalia it's estimated he copulated with more that 14,000 women in his life, both on and off screen.

King Edward VII (1841-1910)—7,800 Rebelling against his strict childhood, he turned to indulging himself in women, food, drink, gambling, and sports. Though married, his wife turned a blind eye to his extramarital activities, which continued well into his sixties and found him implicated in several divorce cases. It's estimated he slept with about three different women a week for nearly half a century.

King George IV (1762-1830) —7,000At the age of 17, this English monarch was said to have become "rather too fond of woman and wine." Like his father he lived extravagantly, earning a reputation as a notorious gambler and a heavy drinker. When not boozing it up he would enjoy himself in the embraces of numerous mistresses.
An apparent hair fetishist, he would ask each of his lovers for a lock of hair, which he would place in an envelope to be properly categorized and labeled. After he died his brother went through his personal belongings and found 7,000 envelopes, containing enough hair to stuff a sofa.

FIND MORE WEIRD SEX TIDBITS AT A FAVORITE SITE OF OURS:
World Sex Records.

http://www.sexualrecords.com/

Enjoy!

JUNE MEANS WEDDIN'S

2006-06-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

It's Wedding season here at The Media Maniac.

Be sure to check out this month's list:

Celebrities who got married in Las Vegas Wedding Chapels.

This list was originally found on www.2spare.com

rock star Tom Bailey and rock star Alannah Currie (1991)

composer Burt Bacharach and actress Angie Dickinson (1966)

actress Drew Barrymore and bar owner Jeremy Thomas (1994)

actor Michael Caine and model Shakira Baksh (1973)

actor-singer David Cassidy and actress Kay Lenz (1977)

rapper Coolio and Josefa Salinas (1996)

actress Joan Collins and Peter Holm (1990)

comedian-actor Rodney Dangerfield and Joan Child (1993)

Check out the rest of the list at:

http://www.themediamaniac.com/images/celebVegasWeddings.pdf

Cheers to the happy couples getting married this month!

The Maniac

THE AGONY OF CHUCK NORRIS JOKES

2006-06-05T15:45:00.001-07:00

I started this site and blog because I was inspired (or drunk) ... inspired by the truly demented e-mails I would get from friends. I got them all - the pimped out auto pictures, the topless ta-ta's photos, and even a short video of an Asian woman doing something most gynecologists would frown upon, I am sure.

But there are few more agonizing moments than having to read through the very humorless Chuck Norris jokes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (That's me going into seizures again over the latest round of Chuckie ha-ha's.

God help us all.

- The Maniac

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.

They are now The Islands.

Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances.

One time in an airport a guy accidentally called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Sadly, there are more ...

http://www.duckshit.com/chuck-norris-jokes/

Welcome to Humping Hill

2006-06-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

If you every go to Humping Hill in Romania, and you happen to step on something slick or sticky, just don't ask.
And wash your feet immediately.

- The Maniac

Ananova:
Humping hill brings in the crowds
A Romanian village has become a tourism hot spot thanks to a 'humping hill' which is said to help childless couples conceive.

Corneliu Olar, Mayor of Horea, has even planted more bushes and trees
on the hill to make sure lovemaking couples are not disturbed.

He said: "The hill is well known for its mystical powers in helping
women to have children. You only need to look at our village to know it's
true.

"Most of the people living in Horea were conceived by their parents on
the hill, and now people come here from far and wide in the hope of fulfilling
their wish to have children.

"It has been a tradition for more than three centuries. Romanian kings
have come and gone, but the humping hill has always been there.

Rules for male enhancement surgeries

2006-05-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

1. Always ask for diagrams of the finished piece before you sign on the dotted line.

2. Ask about the satisfaction guarantee ahead of time.

3. If dissatisfied, don't send letter bombs to the doctor.

4. Really, does size matter anyway?

The Maniac

Man Upset With Penile Work Pleads
Guilty

(04-05) 16:24 PDT PHILADELPHIA (AP) --

A man pleaded guilty to weapons of mass destruction charges for sending
a mail bomb to a Chicago surgeon he said botched his penile enlargement surgery, though his attorney questioned whether the charges fit the offense.

Brett R. Steidler, 25, of Reamstown, Lancaster County, mailed the
explosive device in February 2005 because he was "extremely unhappy with the
results" of the $8,000 surgery, Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Arbittier
Williams said in court filings.

But Steidler alerted authorities before the bomb arrived and it was
retrieved from the mail and disarmed. His attorney, Luis A. Ortiz, said Steidler
is mentally ill and noted the difference between the roughly 2-year sentence for
mailing a letter bomb and the 4- to 8-year sentence for using a weapon of mass
destruction.

"You shouldn't group this guy with people who drive truck loads of
explosives to buildings or gather anthrax or do things for political reasons,"
Ortiz said. Sentencing is scheduled July 7 before U.S. District Judge Lawrence
F. Stengel.

Don't give dogs donuts

2006-05-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have to admit. I am an animal lover. If I weren't, I am sure I would have found this to be overhwhelmingly amusing. Donuts and beer are inherently bad for dogs. Cats and ferrets for that matter, too. .....

themaniac

http://www.turnto10.com/news/9268133/detail.html

Dog Obese After Diet Of Beer, Donuts
'Sessa' Could Not Stand

POSTED: 2:39 pm EDT May 24, 2006
UPDATED: 2:50 pm EDT May 24, 2006

MARICOPA COUNTY, Ariz. -- An extremely overweight dog is being rehabilitated after being fed a diet of beer and doughnuts.

When the Arizona Humane Society took in "Sessa," she weighed almost three times as much as she should have and couldn't even stand.

"This is quite unique to actually have a dog that cannot get up because she's so overweight," said Alexis Boyle of the Humane Society.

Virgins get discount at brothel?

2006-05-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

OK, where was this deal when I was a virgin (verrrrry long ago, be sure)?

From CNN.com

BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) --
A brothel has become the first in Berlin to offer special deals for virgins with prostitutes trained in the delicate art of catering for customers who have never had sex, a German newspaper reported on Friday.

The brothel in the red light area of the Kreuzberg district of the city
charges 60 euros for a half an hour of sex and works within the laws of Germany
where prostitution is legal.

"These are men who either never had sex before or have never been in a
brothel before," the brothel's operator was quoted as saying in Berlin's B.Z.
tabloid.

"It's the first house of love in Berlin that specializes in taking care
of beginners," wrote the daily on its front page.

Prostitutes are given "sensitivity training" for first-time clients,
who the brothel operator said are not necessarily young but often 40 or older:
"They need to be aware of how much courage it takes to go to a brothel the first
time."

The Media Maniac Weird News Blog!

2006-05-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Media Maniac Weird News Blog!

This is the place for in-depth discussions about the weird or bizarre news of the day. Feel free to post your comments, but I will banish you to the pits of Blog Hell if you are an ignorant bastard with no manners or common sense. The Maniac's got no tolerance for stupid in-breds with computers. Be respectful of yourself. This is a family blog (not really).

Capice?

The Media Maniac.